Deep Democracy blog series/ Kirsi Joenpolvi

Process work combines both inner work and any situation outside (and simultaneously) inside ourselves. In turmoil and conflict it can increase the awareness of the overall picture by helping to notice subtle hints and flickering signs that then help to navigate forward and support one’s unique path in the seemingly impossible and overwhelming situations. It opens up new potential both in personal issues and professional facilitation. These also go together as the systemic world is one, so working on oneself is as important as bringing the facilitation into the more set up situations e.g working on important social or organisational issues.

In other words- every problem you run into the outer world exists in one way or another inside of yourself, too. Maybe just as a “homeopathic dose” but still.

My original interest to deep dive into Deep Democracy facilitation* steams from the original moments of getting in touch with it: the group process, how the body symptoms and proprioceptive sensations are part of all, how they are related with oneness. Conflicts were my original interest for the kick off but in retrospect I see that the place of “not knowing” was an essential part of that. In situations that remained puzzles because people had different opinions or no desire to go forward.

I have learned a lot yet it s an on-going learning; every new -little or big- conflict brings a new learning and invites to open up to insights with myself and with the field that organises us.

*Deep Democracy is the practical implementation of working with small and large groups, communities and international events and environmental problems based on the Process oriented psychology.

Life flowing -a happy place

One week in January. Here is my recent Facebook update: “I felt so lucky to be able to wittness @Bhavani’s phD graduation celebration in Jyväskylä. It was also an interesting process for me as I had some challenges even at the very last moments of my journey. But finally and interestingly it lead from one step to another and finally- there I was. The topic around diversity and leadership development certainly is one of the Key factors in the future and how we surf in the more and more Complex systems and even develop our leadership while living through it.”

Simple as that. Yet there were a lot of frustrations and incidents before that. It certainly was a surprise that I ended up going!.

It was supposed to do the first trip anywhere for six months after my vertebra accident and the journey itself felt already like a journey into unknown. I still had challenges connected to carrying stuff or sitting too long. The whole week ahead felt a bit scary: on Monday I was supposed to go to Lahti and back – already a 200 km of driving. But I was in a cheerful mood when I was driving back to Helsinki. I had confidence that I could make it on Friday to Jyväskylä and even in time eventhough it would mean 270 km of driving, waking up early and being all dressed up to go straight to the University to attend the public defence of the PhD.  

It would also mean sitting and not too much of stretching or any movement but still I was confident. It was only the hotel that I was a bit unsure. Which one I should pick up? I felt like no worries about that, it would be only one night. 

So, life was all good, was happy about my plans. There were no conflicts around – not in my worlds. I was in phase one. The harmony was suddenly interrupted two kilometers before home. There was an alarm announcement at the car screen: The gear system has a disturbance but driving is still possible. The engine started jerking. I could not believe this. I had to read this announcement twice. In a second my nice flow with life was flushed down the toilet.

Chaos! The second phase

What was the time? Could I still make it to the car maintenance. Yes, if I was efficient.

The girl behind the counter suggested exactly that: leave the car there- they would put it into the fixing que – only 4 cars before mine. And no, you really can´t drive as far as Jyväskylä with it. 

-When would it be examined? 

-I do not know. It depends on the other cars. Then of course when we know what is wrong. After that it might need some part from Germany that must be ordered and only once it has arrived, it can be fixed. Then there is the fixing time that we do not know.

How many times did she say this: “We don’t know.” I was not happy with this- it was one of my primary self’s least wanted square in the game! But I need to know, was the voice inside of me yelling. I want to know if I can make it to Jyväskylä on Friday! This is a special situation and they should do the fixing as soon as possible! While I was in the middle of this frustration I was also aware that this exactly – the confusion of not knowing helps me to find the inner sense of knowing. But it did not help at that moment. I was so deeply in the surviving mode – fight or flee. As it often happens, the sports girl mode in me becomes active in those moments.

-What would you estimate? I should be driving to Jyväskylä on Friday.

-Well. I don’t think your car is fixed by then.

Oh my gosh. Why now? WHY this week?

It was like an ongoing flow of signals from the world channel. Cars and traveling and timing. Not knowing. My normal self was super actively making interpretations of these incidents.

In the more intense and fast processes it is challenging for me to slow down and to notice what is really going on. I saw how I was flipping between my primary automatic reaction (based on the consensus reality) and the meta-communicator who was looking at the elements of this situation:

–The timing. Nobody knows. Nobody had control over it

–The car, my way of moving– suddenly unrealiable

–My body- another way of moving– unrealiable

–Me and my polarities about travelling: facts, fears, doubts, trust, deeper motivation

I had the inner conversation of two roles:

1. No, I would not go. It is causing a lot of stress already without the car. What to pack, how much I can carry, if the hotel is good because I do have a weird feeling about it. Also- I would need to wake up early and sit first for 3 hours to travel, then sit at the university, and again in the evening. Too much of sitting, carrying, and messing around. I can´t go unless I have my own car. I can watch the public defence presentation on-line and do not have attend the party in the evening.

• I would go and find a way to do it. Maybe rent of car? It would mean so much to me. The phD thesis topic itself, it is about an important topic and I had really looked forward to attend the celebration. Lately I have been priviledged to learn to know these wise foreign women in Finland, that follow their heart and come here to fulfill their professional dreams. I felt like supporting them. Also, It would be a safe way to see how I can travel with the back issue- I was in Finland, not abroad and I would be able to move around easily. Well. If I had the car.

I felt confused. Back at home I did some hand gesture excercise to find out more about this energy. My “going option” showed a lot of tension and twisting in the movement, but it developed into a softer movement in the air, almost like a dance. The not going was just still. I did not know what to do. I was not able to see deeper in neither of the options. Maybe it was about the timing? I decided to wait for the information concerning the car.

Nobody had control over timing.  The world channel was giving these messages so strongly that I could only accept it. The car maintenance staff had already an extra load of unpredictable elements e.g he other cars, fixing time and mechanical part “X”. The whole scene was hanging in the air. It was steadily supporting the unfolding, not solving immediately. Deamplifying what happening in me and around. Slowing down is ok, it does not mean doing nothing. The field was saying just flow with this. The “X” is playing the big role here! (A peculiar notion about the X: in Deep Democracy Theory the unfamiliar parts, something that the disturbance invites to know more about is called the “X“. As my “X”- the not-me was causing a hard time for the me, my car was obviously also having an issue without the new X!)

Photo: Kirsi Joenpolvi

Opening up to the “opponent” -slowly shifting perspective

Wednesday afternoon. Eventually the phone call about the car came.

If they fixed it, some part from Germany should be ordered. They don’t know how much time that would take. Maybe 1-2 weeks. I walked to the grocery store and back and carried some stuff in my back bag and noticed that it was a little too much. I saw how my back strength had some boundaries. I had to look for other possibilities for the meantime anyhow.

I had been deep diving in the first two stages of conflict by then.

In order to get more information beneath it is a natural state to identify only with the part that we see as our normal state. When my car gave the notification of having a gear disturbance I saw how my normal way of planning things went out of the window – It was clearly a hot spot for me that brought up all my worries, disappointment and doubts about the situation. The girl behind the counter at the VW was hearing lot of this: Could they please fix my car as soon as possible! I was so much bothered by the situation, in the conflict phase two.

When the second phase is deepened enough, it can create space for more options and understanding and maybe some deeper insight about different other new roles in the situation. The other part, the “enemy” is something that we naturally do not fancy so much, but little by little its different aspects and qualities become more familiar. It is a delicate dance, since the disturbance can sometimes be so strong that one has to stay in the second phase as long as it is needed.

The timing in the field was so strongly present that I could not justify for the option of not going only because I did not have the car.

As much as it was my process, It was also a group process: 

The roles  in the beginning:

-To go or not to, knowing and not knowing: It had its own curve. Fast, slow, fluctuating. I was struggling to get forward from the consensus reality and letting the deeper part of me to guide. Vehicles: they were all unstable, my body and the car. Yet something was stable as the unstableness was on one side. The car maintenance was following their own rhythm.

Relaxing and opening to solutions – entering the third phase

The world is one. My two options that were stuck in the consensus reality got manifested by two people

I talked with my friend to whom I shared about this decision process. She listened to me and said it is maybe the wisest solution is not to go but to rest. Traveling causes too much stress and I should take it easy and to concentrate on my healing. Yes, it was true. It was causing a lot of stress for making so many arrangements especially because of the back issue. It would be wisest to rest. So, this might be my final decision. I am ok with it.

My body was relaxed for a moment and I was living with this relief.

The next day I had a call with the book keeper about some paper work and told her that I would not be bringing the invoices because my car is being fixed. And too bad, but now it seems like I can´t go to Jyväskylä on Friday either since because of my back I really would need a car for a trip like that.  She asked if have I thought about getting a new car since it seemed the problems always begin after some amount of kilometers. Yes, indeed I had. It was a sign for me to change the vehicles. And then she asked how about renting the car for the meantime? “Then you would be free to move. “

Well, yes, it had been my mind. But I had been waiting for the clarification from the VW center which by now I had, so it was getting clear that it would take some time to get my car anyhow.
I noticed that I was no longer trying to stop the process and make final conclusions of it but rather accepting to the flow and was curious about the next elements in the this process. The third phase of the conflict phase was setting in.

Traveling in general is a great way of exploring my X´s. On the other hand the enthusiasm that is present can reveal the deeper motives about the trip.

After having the conversation with the book keeper my enthusiasm rose. Finally the door way to dreaming reality opened! I was full of energy despite the arrangements that in the first place had felt stressful.

I would rent the car and go! It felt important for me and my own healing process, the dreaming reality was revealing my deeper goals and motivation: wanting to create new connections with that circle that would be present in Bhavani´s social party. The eldership mode was supporting my decision that I by now felt like the right tone coming from my heart. I had finally found the cool spot, a place of resolution.

Why did it feel so right? Lately I have been having the inspiration to support foreign people – especially women who have come here for their true calling. it is something that came up during these long autumn months when I was not able to move and had to spend a lot of time on the sofa and think about meaningful aspects in life. As I got even help from the outside – two people representing something that was inside of myself I was able to feel the deeper aspect of what was happening.

The oneness of all. The Essence World. Visiting now a little bit of the phase 4, then swinging between four and three. The most of all, I had found an inner peace with what I was doing. 

My X´s:

-To even choose to travel. Uncertainty and fears already there in the beginning. With my back problem it felt like a test of not knowing. But when my car broke after the first trip on Monday a big trust issue was showing up. 

The Conflict Phases

In the beginning it was difficult to see the other side than my normal “y”. I wanted to make plans that I can stick to. I was marginalising the options that were against my plans and not going was along with that side. The other side –the situation from a broader vision came finally when I had the conversation with the book keeper. After that I was able to see the possibilities and more roles in the situation. 

This opened me to deepen the second phase and to see the other sides and in the end being able to sense deeper motivation of the whole process and enter the third phase. Moving on from consensus reality and touching the elements of dreaming reality, to get more familiar with the deeper aspects of my process and understand why it did not feel so simple in the first place.

What really helped was to notice the polarities that were present, accept and welcome them as such and not resist whatever it was. The flow of people outside presented roles that existed in me and thus helped me to see the process so vividly. It was a group process with my inner self and the world, since they are interconnected.

On the same day I made the car reservation and decided to go. I still had all the possibilities: even to turn back- the hotel reservation I could cancel anytime. This all brought such a flow of energy streaming in me! I could travel!

It would be gentle way since I was letting it go as it would go. I had no agenda that it should be perfect.

Sensing the fourth phase – the oneness

So, I went. I got new connections and networks on different levels. And I learned a lot more of meeting these people, many of them from India, coming to Finland to study, adjusting into our social community and enriching the diversity so amazingly. I also could see more of Finland through their eyes. The great things that I might be taking for granted. I felt the community of oneness during the evening, I could feel it was my deepest motivation to attend, pushing me to enter the place of unknown and letting go.

The learnings I keep with me:

To deepen the other polarity only when the time is right. When I had been deeply enough in the opinion that I felt first more familiar with, it was giving space to openness and other possibilities and finally entering the deeper part in my dreaming reality. I found it easier to see the other side if I really let myself to dive into the high and the low dream. It was a gateway to deepen and see the polarity that I did not identify in a more empathetic way, leading to owning it and see the gifts that “X” has to offer in the situation. 

HIGH DREAM-LOW DREAM CONCEPTS: They constantly happen in group processes and people´s interactions. A lot of interpretations are involved. A dreaming process that you can learn a lot of your unique tendencies. It is good to go to the end of the both sides, to let them be amplified to see where it leads you with you process and THEN see how it releases its power grip. 

High Dream: Something lovely happens and you interpret it as if it is the New Beginning. Something BIG is going to happen.” The deepest beliefs and highest hopes, expectations of some ideal. The Low Dream: The worst or the least unwanted outcome of the situation. Something goes wrong and it creates a tension, and the primary part start interpretations: this is a sign, things can’t get right.

“To let them play and learn about them is a good way to lessen the tension. ” Arnold Mindell: Sitting in the fire, p. 199-200:

The Fruits of my journey: 

–The community eldership being so much present at the party: as we all shared about our connections and about our background it was as if the diversity was manifested at the celebration as well as it was within the title of Bhavani´s work. Experiencing the Essence world, the beauty of oneness. Most of all, I had found an inner peace with what I was doing.

It was about finding the creative dance between all the realities - consensus, dreaming reality and the essence world. Unfolding instead of solving. Slowing down to notice the signals. Making space for going deeper and letting the insights come.

What time is it in the world *?

We live in different realities that are constantly affecting our system, individually and collectively. It is challenging to adjust to the consensus reality time frame if there is something else taking place in the dreamland: e.g the hopes, experiences, fears and unspoken needs connected to the situation. In the concept of realities and challenging situations I find it as an essential practice for myself to let the process reveal what is going on instead of pushing forward. Slowing down does not mean that I am passive, it is about being more conscious in the middle of a chaos. The consensus reality is though often so dominant – on the other hand the Dreamland and Essence world realities are timeless.

*Theoretical background of the three parallel worlds:

Process Work deals with all the things we normally think of as “real” events, problems, and issues connected with the development of individuals, couples, businesses and cities. Groups and individuals use feelings and facts, to describe conflicts, issues or problems.
Consensus Reality: what is considered real by a given person or group.

Dreamland: experiences and events people often don’t pay much attention to such as: dreams, deep feelings, unspoken truths, “double” or unintentional body signals, “ghosts” (unrepresented figures). History, visions and transgenerational events are important. -Individual body feelings that are often reflected in dreams. -relationship double signals (signals that don’t seem to “fit” at first) -group ghost roles or things and events mentioned but considered not present, such as figures from history and visions.  

Essence world: Deeper non-dualistic tendencies that can be sentiently felt to move us. Intangible, “dreamlike” tendencies that are not yet easily expressed in words. This area of life can sometimes be felt as a subtle atmosphere around people, events and areas of our planet earth. The essence level has nonlocal, quantum-like blurry overlapping states, and cosmological, space-time or gravity like experiences.

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Other concepts in the text: primary and secondary processes, me and not-me, channels, body signals (body symptoms, proprioceptive body sensations), group process, roles, hot spot, cool spot, conflict phases

Literature:

Arnold Mindell:

• Conflict: Phases, Forums and Solutions
• Sitting in the Fire
• Working with the Dreaming Body

Julie Diamond and Lee Spark Jones: A Path made by Walking

Amy Mindell: The Evolution and 3 Branches of Process Theory

The next chapters:

-My childhood dream and patterns of it: how they manifest in the situations of not knowing? Is it also a place of knowing?